grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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