I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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