I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
