Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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