i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize