Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
