I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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