He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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