my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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