I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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