I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
