The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize