My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
