I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
