Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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