I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
