**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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