living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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