when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
