I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
