Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
