just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack