Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.