did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter