Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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