His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right