I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't notice because vodka
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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