I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town