so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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