is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
