i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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