just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
