Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
