I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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