two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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