Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Congratulations! We have a period
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