he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
