everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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