Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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