we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize