u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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