She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have aggressive nipples.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
