i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
