When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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