Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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