when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
