I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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