So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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