so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Floor bacon is actually really good
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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