Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
