Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
