Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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