so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
