you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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