Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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