i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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