We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
