On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
