OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize