He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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