I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
