glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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