I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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