I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
