I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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