Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
