I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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