why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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