My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
