The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
