There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize