Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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