Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
