i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize