Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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