I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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